The Journey begins

I’ve identified as genderfluid for around 3 years now. Still, I started questioning if it was the whole story around February this year. After doing a whole lot of reading, I decided to, when meeting two close friends on my vacation this year, ask them to call me “Aida” and use she/her pronouns.

I was initially terrified about how they would react, but after telling one of them how they so casually said, “Sure,” I was relieved. I had spent hours thinking about questions they could ask me, but they didn’t ask any of them, which was nice.

Throughout the vacation, whenever they called me “Aida”, I couldn’t help but smile and feel like I was on the right track. The only question they asked me was if I hoped this would “fix” me being asexual, which I assured them I didn’t care, I’ve identified as asexual for so long now and don’t really know what not being ace would be like.

When I got home, the first thing I did was book an appointment with my GP. When I got to him, he was actually my GP’s substitute at the time. He listened to what I had to say and was very compassionate. He got me a referral to a therapist. My first appointment is in early October, and I’m looking forward to it. I changed GPs after such a positive experience with them, and I hope he continues to be as good a listener as he was.

Last week, Dad was admitted to the hospital with a severe illness, and the hospital doesn’t think he’ll be able to recover, so they stopped all treatments. I visited him 2 days ago, and he was pretty bad, but he had some moments of being awake; when he was awake, I decided to tell him that I’m trans and the name I want to change to. At 76, he seems to have had little experience with this, but he seemed to accept it.

I have yet to tell other family members about this, but I’m sure they’ll support me. I’m excited to see what happens next.

I already use my new name and pronouns online, but I’m mostly scared of how it will go at work and finding clothes that fit me.